memorial day

It was a beautiful Memorial Day!  After several days of cold rainy weather...the sunshine was SO appreciated.  We cut flowers from our garden and placed them in a big bucket with water to take down to visit the graves of our family that is close by.  Grandma did this every year.  We joined her occasionally. Now that she isn't here it is up to all of us.  With our bucket of flowers (the peonies were ready and perfect bloom this year!) we headed to Papa's house to pick him up.

We visited the resting place of Grandma & Grandpa Davis and Uncle Kelly.  We placed military flags at Grandpa and Kelly's sites to remember their military service.  It was so nice to see so many families gathered at each cemetery.  At the next cemetery we left flowers for an old family friend (Roy Parker) and Great Grandma and Grandpa (Goldie and Stanley).

After our visits we gathered at Papa's for a bbq.  We met cousins/aunts/uncles there.  Sally made a delicious meal.  We spent the afternoon together.  Papa invited us up to Grandma's to take some of the flowers and plants from her yard.  Amanda, Michel and I started digging...Papa found buckets and we came home with a carload of flowers and plants (day lilies, ferns, peonies, purple leaf coral bells & beautiful strawberries).  Grandma was the first person to teach me about planting flowers and gardens.  She loved every flower and walking around my garden with some of the treasures from her yard is so sweet.  We miss her.

We are so grateful for all those who have come before us.  We miss those we knew and look forward to sweet reunions one day.  The resting places of most of our family members aren't close by...but we think of them often and remember them fondly.

to dream

For as long as I can remember I dreamt of being a mom.  My childhood was filled with hours of playing with dolls...stuffed animals...and my favorite, playing "house."  Being the oldest child, I am sure I always insisted on being the "mom."  (Sorry Dede...)

I had a few other dreams of roles I might fill in life.  These always changed.  A few that I remember:

• age 6:  someone famous  (doing what?  I have no idea)  hours of looking in the mirror...knowing I would be famous someday.  I am not sure I even knew what famous meant, but it was said to have happened regularly---that I stood in the mirror and a recited the phrase..."famous Carin"
• age 8:  bank teller  I am not sure what it was about those ladies behind the counter or glass windows of the drive through.  Maybe it was that I thought they had all of the $ in the world.
• age 11:  an artist  I loved to draw and I remember the sweet encouragements of my mom
• age 12:  a writer   I remember sharing my stories, written in a gnome journal, with my mom's cousin Randy, an English teacher, at a family event held at our house.  He was gracious.  :)  The idea of being a writer lasted until age 14.

Unfortunately, at the age where I could have really focused on any sort of dream, high school, I let them all go.  My confidence faded and my focus switched from learning to friends and social issues.  School could have been easy for me, but I was distracted and lazy.  I lost direction, ambition and vision.  The one dream I always saw for myself was to be a mother.  After a poor academic attempt at high school I took a few junior college courses, mainly because I didn't have a better idea and my friends were going.  (I also became a bank teller.)  Finally a spark was ignited and I decided to go on a mission.  I am not sure I would have even had the confidence for that, but it was an answer to prayer...and my heart told me to go.

I set out on my 21st birthday for the missionary training center.  I spent a year and a half serving, the majority of those months I spent in Argentina.  It was good for me in so many ways...but one in particular was confidence.  I knew that I if I could travel to another country, learn a foreign language, teach and communicate and live with people I had never met before....I could go to college.

Returning to college started out slowly, I was working full time (again, at a bank) and took a few classes a session.  My first goal was to do special education or occupational therapy.  I wanted to help people.  Then I took a communications class that I LOVED.  I had finally finished my general education courses and headed to the University.  Danny and I were married now.  I was still working full time as a bank manager while Danny was finishing his degree and playing football.  I was sure that all of this would be interrupted and at any moment I would have a baby and become a full time mom.

A baby wasn't coming, so my first class at the University of Utah was in communications.  I decided to combine the two interests and study communication disorders through the Speech and Hearing Science department.  I still expected to be pregnant at any minute and drop everything to be a full time mom.  I was fascinated by the sciences and was excited to be learning.  I loved becoming a full time student once Danny graduated.  My dream was to sit in the library in the middle of the day---during those M-F/9-5 hours that had been occupied at a bank for so many years.

During my senior year in college we were trying more serious fertility measures and nothing was working.  Finally, the month before I graduated, our doctors recommended we travel to a specialist outside of UT (in CA or CO) to pursue our fertility issues further.  They said they couldn't do anything for us.  I was approaching graduation...without a plan.  I had been sure we would be parents by then (we had been trying for 6 years), now that graduation was upon me...I had wished I had planned for graduate school.  My dream of being a mom seemed to elude me no matter what I tried.  I worried about why I wasn't worthy of the opportunity.  I struggled not knowing what path to take.

After graduation I decided to get an entry level job in both Speech/Audiology.  I was hired first at a local hospital in the "maternity ward" doing infant hearing screenings.  I would test the baby's hearing the day after they were born.  I wondered if my mental wellness could handle it.  Would I be able to spend hours each day...facing my one dream that always stayed constant...that I never let fade away...knowing that for me it wasn't happening???  I decided to do it.

One of my first days of training at the hospital I felt queasy and sick.  I remember worrying that maybe I would spread something to the babies.  I washed my hands well and started learning the new job.  After work I went home and called the doctor.  My period was several weeks late, I was thirsty, tired...and sure that I had diabetes.  The nurse asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test.  I fought back tears and told her about my promise to myself that I would never take another pregnancy test again.  Too many had been (-) and I couldn't face another stick to pee on.  She told me to drive down (40 min. away).  I felt so silly driving down there.  It was just two months ago this same office  told me that intro-fertilization wouldn't work.  I hadn't been on any fertility treatments in months...how in the world could I be pregnant.

Without telling a soul, I headed to the doctor's office.  After several hours the results came back (+)!!!!!
I don't believe in coincidences.  I became pregnant one month after I graduated from college.  Although those years of waiting for what I wanted most were hard, painful, soul searching years, they were some of the most precious to me in any growth I may have attained thus far.  Now, to have had those experiences AND to be a mom to THREE DAUGHTERS, I feel as though I couldn't possibly ask for more.  I am a better mother because of a formal education...but also the spiritual education my trials have given me.

"i'm glad you taught me"

Arizona, SUMMER 1976

On Mother's Day I reminded the girls that we would be seeing Nana that day and that she would love a card.  We had a bit of running around to do before-during-after church.  The girls were on their own.  They each had a hand made card when it was time to get in the car for Sunday dinner- with no help or direction from me.   After we finished dinner they found their cards and handed them to Nana.  My mom asked,  "Did you read this?"  I hadn't.  She handed it to me with a smile.  This is what it said-

"Dear Nana,  When could you do a puzel (puzzle)?  I am glad you toght (taught) my mom well so I could have a good live (life)."

She signed it-

To: Nana

From: Kate

Along with hand drawn flower pictures...it might have been one of the sweetest cards I have ever read. I realized I should have taken the time on Sunday to write my own card...

..............

Thank you Mom for being one of the first people to teach me how to love.

Thank you for finding fun in small ways.

Thank you for taking care of all of my needs.  

When I think of learning to read, sew, do dishes, enjoy sunshine, cook, iron, attend church, swim, celebrate holidays, serve a neighbor---I think of you.  Some of these things you taught me through instruction---but most of them were by watching your example.  Thank you for that.

I love you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Wilson + Nettie

on top of the world

 pictures taken in Aug. 2010 @ the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum

I'm on top of the world lookin' down on creation...

and the only explanation I can find...

is the love that I've found ever since you've been around 

it has put me at the top of the world...  

-The Carpenters

How did I get so lucky to be with him?  He truly is my better half.  He helps me laugh when I am taking things too seriously.  (I always take things too seriously.) He supports me in every goal or ambition.  He is my best friend---I can tell him anything.  He understands me.  He cares about us.  I love him.

I was asked to teach a Sunday lesson at church to the Relief Society (a women's group).  The assignment was on LOVE & MARRIAGE with the emphasis (taken from Daughters in My Kingdom) as follows:  "The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task..."

As I thought about what I could say, one thing that kept returning to my mind was something Patricia Holland said, "If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I would stage a full blown blitz on women.  I would keep them so distraught and distracted that they would never find the calming strength and serenity for which their gender has always been known."  One Thing Is Needful, Patricia Holland; Ensign Oct. 1987

It left me wondering in which ways I am distracted and how I could improve my relationship with Danny.  I decided on three specific distractions to overcome for myself-

selfishness

"I have heard President Hinckley teach publicly and privately what I suppose all leaders have said---that most problems in love and marriage ultimately start with selfishness."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

being easily provoked

"Think of how many arguments could be avoided, how many hurt feelings could be spared, how many cold shoulders and silent treatments could be ended, and, in a worst-case scenario, how many breakups and divorces could be avoided if we were not so easily provoked, if we thought no evil of one another, and if we not only did not rejoice in iniquity but didn't rejoice even in little mistakes."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

criticism

"Bite your tongue if you have to.  'He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city' (Proverbs 16:32)  At least one difference between a tolerable marriage and a great one may be that willingness in the latter to allow some things to pass without comment, without response."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

As I studied these distractions I found some wonderful solutions that I need to work on:

for selfishness---be deliberate

find ways, on purpose, with thought and genuineness to show love

don't assume that it is assumed--show love by my actions

Mother Theresa said, "Do small things with great love."

plan dates and time to be together

turn off phones and electronics for said dates

remember making memories is more important than receiving things

easily provoked---laughter

I love this from Joseph B. Wirthlin-

"The first thing we can do is learn to laugh.  Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam?...Our laughter created cherished memories for us...The next time you're tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead.  It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable."

Come What May- And Love It,  October 2008

criticism---seek optimism (or bite my tongue)

"'The Spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things.  The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.'  (Orson F. Whitney) We should honor the Savior's declaration to "be of good cheer.'  Speak hopefully.  Speak encouragingly, including about yourself.  Try not to complain and moan incessantly.  As someone once said 'Even in the golden age of civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.'"

The Tongue of Angels, Jeffrey R. Holland, May 2007

Another thing I could do better...posting pictures of Danny and I.
I could take a few more too.
I hardly ever post pictures of the two of us.
Next time it wont be so wordy.
xo

a non-birthday gift

My sister Dede and I share the same birthday month.  Our mom and dad are great about remembering and arranging some sort of celebration.  We had that Saturday.  We gathered at our house for dinner.  Dede and her family brought a Wii so the kids could play Just Dance 2.  The adults talked...and talked...and watched YouTube videos on the AppleTv. We had agreed a few months ago to make birthdays more low key and not to exchange gifts.  I was shopping at JCrew the night before and found a sweater that would be perfect for Dede.  As she was leaving I gave her the "non-birthday gift."  I was walking with Dede toward the door for her first load to the car when she casually pointed to a box sitting by the door and said, "There is your 'non-birthday gift.'"  I picked it up.  It was so heavy I thought it must be food storage.  I opened the box and saw a family treasure.

Before a move, my mom was going through all of their possessions.  She decided to give us some of her treasures--- I received her grandmother's silver, Annie received the china, and Dede received the Little Colonel books.  These books originally belonged to my great aunt.  My mom had read them to us---and we loved it.  We loved the stories and they were more dear knowing where they had come from and the memories attached to our mom reading them to us.  Dede said, "I know you will read them to your girls."  (Dede has four wonderful sons.)  I was so touched by her gift.  She has always been one of the most generous people I know.  She has inherited that quality from our dad- who I believe inherited from his mom (Granny).  I have a lot to learn from them. xoxo

resolve

It's never good, when you have reached the end of the year and can't recall any of your resolutions from the first of the year.  Well, I did add music to our home...improvement in the other areas was very slight.  I hope for a better resolve this year!  I love the newness of a brand new year.  Danny and I had an impromptu talk on the couch on January 1st.  We are excited about our resolutions!

We are going to take greater care of our bodies!  One of favorite friends is Effie Nielsen.  When we were neighbors, Effie had competed and won a weightlifting championship.  See here and here.  She was encouraged to compete by her great-grandson and his coach.  At the time Effie was 90.  (She will be 100 this May.)  I was talking with her in her front yard quite a few years ago.  We were talking about her garden.  She mentioned all of the rhubarb she needed to harvest.  I asked what she did with it besides the obvious pie choice.  "I make rhubarb juice" she said.  "Rhubarb juice???  Does that taste good?"  I responded.  "I don't live to eat, " she replied sweetly,  "I eat to live."  We hope to follow Effie's way of life.  We are going to think more about "eating to live" instead of what we "live to eat."  There wont be any family strict codes...just an effort to do better with a stronger focus on our health.

We will also be outside more (breathing fresh air and working our bodies)!  I have a propensity to hibernate in the winter.  It is not good for my body or my mind.  We started Monday.  We woke up, enjoyed a quick breakfast and headed out the door.  We even found a few friends who wanted to join us on our way.  There will be more walking, hiking, yoga, pilates and even running this year.

We are going to "show up" this year.  Last week we were all gathered at Grandma's viewing.  It had been a slow evening.  It was cold outside.  It was feeling too quiet...even with family surrounding us.  I looked toward the door and in walked one of our most favorite families.  Danny's friend Kenny walked in with his wife Heather and their four children.  They were dressed up in their Sunday best and brightened our entire evening.  I don't think Kenny had seen Grandma since our wedding, yet he showed up.  They are dear friends and taught us a great lesson.  Show up for people.  When we are there for people---weddings, funerals, babies, surgeries, graduations, birthdays...they feel loved.  We can definitely do a better job in this category.

So yesterday when Danny's mom called and needed help in her yard---we showed up.  We were outside in the fresh air, working with happy hearts.  Thank you Parcell family for your good examples.

"Certain qualities, talents, and works which distinguish a man are more readily appreciated when one knows from what nationality he has sprung..."  The Life and Times of Asher B. Durand p. 3

I remember standing by a bus in Argentina when a man asked me, "De donde es?"  He wanted to know more than where I was currently living, and more than my country of origin...he wanted to know my nationality.  That really isn't an easy question...I have lines from many different countries---France, England, Germany, and more...  Needless to say, he wasn't satisfied with my vague answer.

Although there is too much variety to identify with any one country besides the country in which I currently live, I believe there is a great benefit knowing where we come from.  Instead of focusing on places we will focus this year on people that have come before us.  Danny and I brainstormed a plan to create "book of remembrances" like those my parents had when I grew up.  They were covered in hardback leather with strong metal posts.  We are going to craft new books from antique photo albums.  (Thank you Papa!)  We will add pages:  fill it with lined sheets, pictures and family trees.  There will be a section of all four lines of my girls genealogy.  It will be a special place for them to note and write what is important to them of what they have learned.  We can't wait.

I am also going to read a few books to help me learn more:   The Life and Times of Asher B. Durand (a great, great, great uncle) and a few books on the Mayflower (to learn more of the Brewster and Standish family lines from which we are a part).